Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Angibangie's best tweets

@Angibangie : GOD: How many animals left to make? ANGEL: 2 G: Ok how many aerial locomotion abilities left? A: 1 Flying Squirrel: Dibs! Penguin: WHAT

@Angibangie: -Your house is amazing. Why are u renting this cheap?

-It’s haunted by a low level demon

Demon: Wow I’m right here that is like so hurtful

@Angibangie: Him at 1am: Wanna come over?

Me: Sure thing, sexy

-Cut to me crawling out of his TV like that girl in The Ring

@Angibangie: I only keep Facebook for the birthday reminders and to randomly unfriend people so they wonder what they did wrong.

@Angibangie: Prank:

Bring canned food and water to a friends house and say, "the big one is coming." Don't explain, just cry.

(helps if ur a scientist)

@Angibangie: I got a pocket got a pocket full of sunshine

Sunshine: Please let me go. I have children.

@Angibangie: Ghost haunting my house: Okay, I'm just going to clean up your TINY, SHITTY, Apartment while you're gone because I can't not-live like this!

@Angibangie: Hi, I'm Angie.
You may remember me from such instances as: Where did all the vodka go? Is ur friend ok? Or: Who's responsible for this girl?

@Angibangie: Me: I like a full bodied wine.

Date: I'm not that knowledgeable about wine.

Me: It's like, when the grapes were really thicc.

@Angibangie: -If I'm wearing matching bra and undies, I better get more than a cuddle.

McDonald's worker: Another bad date huh? Have some free fries...