Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AnkCoupleTO's best tweets

@AnkCoupleTO : [5 hours into assembling a new bed for my kid] you'll get used to sleeping on the floor in no time at all

@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *eating my 3rd bowl of spicy chili*
Her: OMG you are not sleeping with me tonight
M: *eats spicy chili for the rest of my natural life*

@AnkCoupleTO: [skating together on a frozen pond]

Her: Isn't this romantic?
Me: *sees a 'danger thin ice' sign, makes a beeline for it* hell yeah

@AnkCoupleTO: Husband: *buys her flowers*
Wife: No
H: *buys her jewellery*
W: No
H: *starts extreme couponing*
W: *gives him all the sex*

@AnkCoupleTO: [special ops briefing]

Leader: We're going in deep & hard in the middle of the night
Me: I bet you say that to all the boys
L: Get out

@AnkCoupleTO: Taco Bell wouldn't be so popular if indoor plumbing didn't exist

@AnkCoupleTO: [in bed]

Her: *seductively whispering* in the mood for a midnight snack?
Me: *Oreo crumbs all over my face* I'm way ahead of you

@AnkCoupleTO: If my mom had just faked having a headache I wouldn't be writing this bullshit on the internet right now

@AnkCoupleTO: [doing crossword]

Me: I'm looking for a word that means slight pause
Her: Hiatus?
Me: *erasing 'our sex life'* thanks

@AnkCoupleTO: Me: You're gorgeous
Her: OMG that is so sweet, c'mere *I walk right past her & start french kissing her collection of scented candles*