Funny Tweeter

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Page of AnkCoupleTO's best tweets

@AnkCoupleTO : [she comes home with a doggy bag] Her: Here, boy, I have a treat for you *sounds of the dog & I fighting to the death*

@AnkCoupleTO: [Easter]

Her: Where should I hide the eggs?
Me: Not in your ovaries, I've already found two
H: I was referring to our children
M: So was I

@AnkCoupleTO: [being stared at by a bunch of guys as I bathe in an airport washroom] can someone get my back please?

@AnkCoupleTO: Her: Thank goodness you brought home a bottle of Drano, but how did you know we had a clogged drain?
Me: *chugging the entire bottle* what?

@AnkCoupleTO: [5 hours into assembling a new bed for my kid] you'll get used to sleeping on the floor in no time at all

@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *eating my 3rd bowl of spicy chili*
Her: OMG you are not sleeping with me tonight
M: *eats spicy chili for the rest of my natural life*

@AnkCoupleTO: [skating together on a frozen pond]

Her: Isn't this romantic?
Me: *sees a 'danger thin ice' sign, makes a beeline for it* hell yeah

@AnkCoupleTO: Husband: *buys her flowers*
Wife: No
H: *buys her jewellery*
W: No
H: *starts extreme couponing*
W: *gives him all the sex*

@AnkCoupleTO: [special ops briefing]

Leader: We're going in deep & hard in the middle of the night
Me: I bet you say that to all the boys
L: Get out

@AnkCoupleTO: Taco Bell wouldn't be so popular if indoor plumbing didn't exist