Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AnniemuMary's best tweets

@AnniemuMary : Assorted bandaid box- 3 in a size you need 12 you can make work 35 round to weigh box down

@AnniemuMary: My family keeps throwing sweaters in the laundry basket like we wash those.

@AnniemuMary: Brought twins to a corn maze & put them at 2 different points so people thought they kept passing the same row. The tricycles really sold it

@AnniemuMary: Omg, do you mind? I'm busy. This dinner isn't going to peel back plastic, stir and add 3 minutes to itself.

@AnniemuMary: My youngest once got ahold of the scissors and gave herself a haircut. It wasn't bad. So now every 6 weeks we casually leave them out.

@AnniemuMary: Met a dog named Donut. I don't need that kind of reminder all day. Excuse me, I have to go take Smaller Portions for a walk.

@AnniemuMary: Walked past our fish bowl and the water bounced like that cup in Jurassic Park. Now I feel both insulted and all powerful.

@AnniemuMary: Genetics are weird. Like only 1 of the kids got my hair color but all of them got my husband's inability to fully close a drawer.

@AnniemuMary: Objects in motion tend to resent objects on the couch not in motion.

@AnniemuMary: Two sales people approached me at the furniture store. I'm following the one who called me Miss. The Hello Ma'am one should take note.