Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AnniemuMary's best tweets

@AnniemuMary : Me: ...at aol dot com Cashier: at a...? M: at aol dot com Cashier: at ao...? Me: at aol dot com Cashier: Ma'am, are you crying?

@AnniemuMary: You could pay someone to install a new faucet or you could spend two hours and 20 minutes trying to remove one bolt and then pay someone.

@AnniemuMary: Take your glasses off. Hold them up to a light to see if they're dirty. Now try to do it with your mouth closed.

@AnniemuMary: It's ok. I killed the oregano flake on the counter.

@AnniemuMary: My husband was typing and asked me how to spell suspicious and now I am.

@AnniemuMary: You think you're tired? Try being a child who's been asked to put away their own laundry that's been washed, folded and delivered to their room for them.

@AnniemuMary: Dear young cashier,

$100.89 is not pronounced $189.

Signed, a lady you scared

@AnniemuMary: I feel it is only fair for a recipe to indicate up front how many burners it requires. For example a 3 burner recipe would be a no.

@AnniemuMary: I'm not an actress but I play one on the phone when the lady asks me if I have a pen to write down the confirmation code.

@AnniemuMary: Assorted bandaid box-
3 in a size you need
12 you can make work
35 round to weigh box down