@ArchiePeeler: Hostess: It's a 15 minute wait. May I have your name?
Me: Baron Von Gerhardt, heir to the throne of Osterburken.
Me: Write it down.
@ArchiePeeler: Giving our 3-yr-old son the big news...
Wife: We're having a baby!
Son: Keep it in there.
Me: Well, we can't --
Son: Keep. It. In.