@AsgardianRose: No animal is more conniving and deceptive than Guinea Pigs, whom are neither pigs or from Guinea.
@AsgardianRose: Perks of being an adult: I can eat 8 cookies, no one can stop me.
Cons of being an adult: I ate 8 cookies, no one stopped me, I feel awful.
@AsgardianRose: Happy one month anniversary to whatever is inside that Tupperware bowl in the back of the fridge!
@AsgardianRose: Me: Why don't I have a boyfriend?
God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak.
Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.
@AsgardianRose: In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said "You're the Obi Wan for me" and that's the highlight of my entire dating experience.
@AsgardianRose: To the people who have lost one shoe on the side of the road...
Are you okay? How does that even happen?
@AsgardianRose: North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn't last an hour before they executed me.
@AsgardianRose: The hardest part of being Darth Vader is never being able to sneak up on anyone because your theme music started playing.
@AsgardianRose: The fastest and most deadly land mammal is a woman who has noticed another woman flirting with her man.