@AsgardianRose: I’m bored. I’m going to text my ex boyfriends and say “I have to talk to you, it’s important” and then not answer the phone for 6 days.
@AsgardianRose: Me at 16: No one can tell me what to do with my life.
Me at 36: Someone please tell me what to do with my life.
@AsgardianRose: Still disappointed that a goblet is just a cup and not a miniature goblin.
@AsgardianRose: No animal is more conniving and deceptive than Guinea Pigs, whom are neither pigs or from Guinea.
@AsgardianRose: Perks of being an adult: I can eat 8 cookies, no one can stop me.
Cons of being an adult: I ate 8 cookies, no one stopped me, I feel awful.
@AsgardianRose: Happy one month anniversary to whatever is inside that Tupperware bowl in the back of the fridge!
@AsgardianRose: Me: Why don't I have a boyfriend?
God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak.
Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.
@AsgardianRose: In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said "You're the Obi Wan for me" and that's the highlight of my entire dating experience.
@AsgardianRose: To the people who have lost one shoe on the side of the road...
Are you okay? How does that even happen?