@AtticusFinch79: HIM: my favorite movie is pulp fiction
ME: *trying to impress him but knowing that pulp is real* pulp is the greatest lie ever told
@AtticusFinch79: 🎶I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair🎶
*tiny little man falls out of my hair with a gentle thud*
Him: Is that a new shampoo?
@AtticusFinch79: [meeting the parents]
Dad: what do you think of Baroque?
Me: *trying to impress him* you should see my bank account. Im always broke.
@AtticusFinch79: [God creating bees]
GOD: make some of them fuzzy
ANGEL: thats good
G: make them sting
G: and let's give them teeth!
A: too far
@AtticusFinch79: [waking up from a nightmare]
Him: Was it the one about zombies again?
Me: *thinking back to the giant unfrosted Pop-tart chasing me* Yes
@AtticusFinch79: [blind date]
HIM: so Paul says that you're a real charmer *smiles*
ME:*whips out three snakes from my bag and a flute* you bet i am
@AtticusFinch79: [giving a eulogy for my doctor]
ME: im very sorry that i ate all of those apples
@AtticusFinch79: Kurt Cobain: come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be
Me: in a duck costume
Kurt Cobain: not like that
@AtticusFinch79: [on the train]
Conductor: Ticket please
Me: *hands it over*
C: Lady this is a speeding ticket
M: *sighs* That's why I'm on the train