@AtticusFinch79: [parking lot in the 80's]
*man appears to be having a heart attack*
MY GRANDMA: calm down everyone, i know VCR
ME: that's great, grandma. now he can record the shows he's missing when he's dead
@AtticusFinch79: Robber: This is a stick up
Me: *clears throat* I'll stick up for Larry. Pat called him an idiot earlier and although it's true, it was mean
@AtticusFinch79: [McDonald's drive thru]
ME: i'd like a happy meal with a coke
HIM: will that be a regular coke or an eight ball?
@AtticusFinch79: HIM: my favorite movie is pulp fiction
ME: *trying to impress him but knowing that pulp is real* pulp is the greatest lie ever told
@AtticusFinch79: 🎶I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair🎶
*tiny little man falls out of my hair with a gentle thud*
Him: Is that a new shampoo?
@AtticusFinch79: [meeting the parents]
Dad: what do you think of Baroque?
Me: *trying to impress him* you should see my bank account. Im always broke.
@AtticusFinch79: [God creating bees]
GOD: make some of them fuzzy
ANGEL: thats good
G: make them sting
G: and let's give them teeth!
A: too far
@AtticusFinch79: [waking up from a nightmare]
Him: Was it the one about zombies again?
Me: *thinking back to the giant unfrosted Pop-tart chasing me* Yes