Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BCMontgo's best tweets

@BCMontgo : What's the issue officer? Officer: You have no idea why I pulled you over? I have some ideas, but would like to hear your opinion first.

@BCMontgo: [zombie wedding]

Groom: *lifts veil*
Bride: That was my face.
Groom: *lowers face*

@BCMontgo: Then she had the nerve to tell me I had control issues!

I'll do this part. *takes scalpel from my surgeon*

Surgeon: You should be asleep.

@BCMontgo: Me: With a name like that, your parents must hate you.

Myparentsdislikeme: Hate is a strong word.

@BCMontgo: Me: I'll definitely do it tomorrow.

Morgan Freeman: He wouldn't.

Me: *chasing Morgan out of my house with broom* Why are you here again?

@BCMontgo: Sir, you can't walk up to the drive through window.

[45 minutes later]

*gallops up to window on stick horse*