Funny Tweeter

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Page of Barknado69's best tweets

@Barknado69 : "You should've seen the other guy" I say as I lay in the hospital with 2 broken legs and a black eye. "He was so much better at fighting"

@Barknado69: [The Price Is Right]

Bob Barker: what do you think the price of this washing machine is

Me:*lips firmly pressed to mic* Right

@Barknado69: Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's savior

Innkeeper: sorry busy around Christmas time

J: wtf around what time

@Barknado69: "I got your back"

"And I got your nose"

"Ooh I want his feet"

Mr. Potato Head: *sobbing* guys stop it

@Barknado69: Today I saw "Jesus doesn't care about your grades" written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was "Thank god, he'd be pissed"

@Barknado69: Amoeba: dad, how was I made?

Amoeba Dad: well son, when a man loves himself very much

@Barknado69: Friend: just make small talk

*later, on date*

Me: so...grains of sand

Her: uh yea-

Me: dwarves

Her: are u okay-

Me: bottle caps

@Barknado69: [Date]

Her: *giggles* whoops you got a hair right there

Me (nervous she's trying to clone me): give it back

@Barknado69: [Sex Shop]

Worker: can I help you?

Me: Yes can I get um.. *fumbles with piece of paper* one sex please

@Barknado69: Me: why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie

Surgeon: wtf

M: he was too far out man

S: how are you still awake we heavily sedated you