@Barknado69: [The Price Is Right]
Bob Barker: what do you think the price of this washing machine is
Me:*lips firmly pressed to mic* Right
@Barknado69: Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's savior
Innkeeper: sorry busy around Christmas time
J: wtf around what time
@Barknado69: "I got your back"
"And I got your nose"
"Ooh I want his feet"
Mr. Potato Head: *sobbing* guys stop it
@Barknado69: Today I saw "Jesus doesn't care about your grades" written on the sidewalk in chalk and all I could think was "Thank god, he'd be pissed"
@Barknado69: Amoeba: dad, how was I made?
Amoeba Dad: well son, when a man loves himself very much
@Barknado69: Friend: just make small talk
*later, on date*
Me: so...grains of sand
Her: uh yea-
Her: are u okay-
Me: bottle caps
Her: *giggles* whoops you got a hair right there
Me (nervous she's trying to clone me): give it back
@Barknado69: [Sex Shop]
Worker: can I help you?
Me: Yes can I get um.. *fumbles with piece of paper* one sex please
@Barknado69: Me: why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie
M: he was too far out man
S: how are you still awake we heavily sedated you