Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BatBatshitcrazy's best tweets

@BatBatshitcrazy : I invented a breakfast calzone this morning, hashbrowns as the double crust with an omelette in the middle. So now I have to marry myself.

@BatBatshitcrazy: I'm only going to have two glasses of wine tonight

~ refills 32 oz tumbler

@BatBatshitcrazy: What's it called when you wake up and have to delete 73% of your tweets from last night. Alcohol, it's called alcohol.

@BatBatshitcrazy: Having a large vocabulary may not make you intelligent, but it really can help you bullshit your way through just about anything

@BatBatshitcrazy: I've got 19 yo boys lining up to mow my lawn. Cougar game strong? Nah, I just make a mean lasagna.

@BatBatshitcrazy: It's NOT day drinking if you didn't sleep the night before, mother.

@BatBatshitcrazy: Waiter: Ready to order?

Friend: I'll have the quinoa and grilled tofu lettuce wrap.

Me: I'll take the MSG platter with a side of gluten.

@BatBatshitcrazy: Rum: We've replaced her depth perception with fun house mirrors, now we wait.

*misses last two stairs, face plants*

Rum: tee-hee