Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Be___Dope's best tweets

@Be___Dope : Me: Sometimes I don't get Jo's tweets. Marta: Maybe you're not high enough? Me: * climbs tree

@Be___Dope: :office birthday party:

CW: Would you like to sign the card?

Me: Nah, just here for the cake. Karen will understand.

CW: His name is Joe.

@Be___Dope: [on the phone]

Me: *whispers* I think my CW knows I'm high.

CW: You know you're talking to a banana right?

@Be___Dope: People are all wanting a Morgan Freeman voiceover on their GPS. And I'm over here wanting Donald Duck.

@Be___Dope: [ Playing with Ouija board ]

Ouija board: I have a boyfriend.

@Be___Dope: Cashier: You're the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today.

Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts *

It's still love though.

@Be___Dope: Her: You like shopping?

Me: Oh god yes!

Her: What's your favorite place?

Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!

@Be___Dope: [text]

Her: I picked up buffalo wings.

Me: * moves furniture around
* rolls out plastic sheeting

@Be___Dope: Knuckle tats:

(I)(M)(H)(U)(N)(G)(R)(Y)

@Be___Dope: Her: baby can you come up here and play with me?

Me: *sprints up stairs

Her: I'm kidding. Can you hand me the remote?

Me: this is so us