Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BeagirlNJ's best tweets

@BeagirlNJ : {bedazzling my new tee shirt} DO NOT RESUSCITATE

@BeagirlNJ: Just shoveled for 30 minutes so the pizza guy could deliver my food

Priorities

@BeagirlNJ: Top 5 things to ditch in 2017
5. Debt
4. People you don't like
3. Facebook
2. Drama
1. The bodies

@BeagirlNJ: I'm "I lost my car in a parking lot" years old

*clicks alarm, clicks alarm*

*silence*

Am I even in the right parking lot?

@BeagirlNJ: Don't kid yourself vegans.

If a cow got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you know

@BeagirlNJ: Maybe, just once, someone will call me ma'am without adding, "You're making a scene"