Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Bexdora's best tweets

@Bexdora : INFURIATING COLLEAGUE: Morning people! ME: Morning...you look good... IC: Thanks, I feel good! ME: So much for Voodoo. IC: What? ME: What?

@Bexdora: [Facepainting Booth]
Mum: Er...she wanted a butterfly...
Me: I only do toads
Mum: Well you should say that bef-
Me: *taps "TOADS ONLY" sign*

@Bexdora: In every teen body-swap film there's that moment where they look in the mirror & are shocked to see an adult.
That's my morning routine now.

@Bexdora: ROMEO:But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
ME:Well if you'd just sod off like I asked, I wouldn't have to throw lamps at you.

@Bexdora: KING1: I bring you gold.
K2: I bring you frankincense.
K3: *drops pot of myrrh* *pot shatters* Oh. I bring you...erm...interpretive dance!

@Bexdora: Piglet: *sees recipe book* Honey-glazed...Pooh, what's ham?
WinniethePooh: A food that goes well with honey. Now, how about a nice hot bath?

@Bexdora: JUDITH! FETCH MY EVIL PLAN GLASSES!

*2 hours later has organised a small festival*

Dammit Judith, these are my party planning glasses!

@Bexdora: Meet Brian, my monkey butler. He's gonna help out around the office.
*Monkey flinging office equipment out the window*
Brian hates clutter.

@Bexdora: INTERVIEWER: It says here you can communicate telepathically?
ME:
IN: Is this an ability you have always had?
ME:
IN: Please say something.

@Bexdora: Is that a pineapple in your pocket, or are you just....Why do you have a pineapple in your pocket?