Funny Tweeter

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Page of Black__Elvis's best tweets

@Black__Elvis : I'm romantic so I treat my girlfriend to a candlelight dinner every night, plus she's getting fat and candlelight has like zero calories.

@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend's father got mad that I proposed to her without asking him first but there's just no way I would ever marry that guy.

@Black__Elvis: Bad news: you're unable to get pregnant.

Oh no! Is it my uterus, doctor?

No, your eHarmony profile says you've seen Star Wars 13 times.

@Black__Elvis: WARNING: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN- DO NOT STAND TOO CLOSE TO THEM, THEY ARE GROSS AND WILL ASK YOU FOR STUFF

@Black__Elvis: Hey baby, is your father a thief because he stole the stars and he put them in your eyes and also my TV is missing.

@Black__Elvis: I don't understand why I keep getting denied for bank loans because I have good credit & I'm only asking to borrow like four or five banks.

@Black__Elvis: [1620]

We Indians will bury the hatchet and teach you to farm.

*Pilgrims huddle* It's a ruse, this soil looks awful for growing hatchets.

@Black__Elvis: I once had a brush with Death and then a floss and a rinse; no woman wants to get intimate with a dark annihilator of souls with bad teeth.

@Black__Elvis: Even if you disagree with his politics you have to admit that for a second term president he doesn't even look pregnant.

@Black__Elvis: I was a bit upset that the condom I found in my wallet had expired but at the end of the day I'm just glad my wallet practices safe sex.