Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BlairLoudly's best tweets

@BlairLoudly : Your password must include 5 minutes of interpretive dance, 15 excerpts from contemporary fiction and 1 word made up by Shakespeare.

@BlairLoudly: [end of interview]

Any questions for me?

Yes. Why didn't the glass slipper also disappear at midnight?

YOU ARE SO HIRED.

@BlairLoudly: One time I threw my cat at a spider so I could escape, but sure I'd love to hold your baby

@BlairLoudly: *dresses like a kitty*

*climbs tree*

*waits for new fireman husband to come rescue me*

@BlairLoudly: Me: SPIDER!

Brain: Nope, fluff.

Me: SPIDER!

Brain: That is a fly.

Me: SPIDER!!!

Brain: sigh. That's your hand idiot.

@BlairLoudly: A xenophobe eh? I'm scared of the warrior princess too but I wouldn't call it a phobia.

@BlairLoudly: Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat's just being dramatic.

@BlairLoudly: I decided to watch The Conjuring alone in a dark apartment and now I'm not allowed to make my own decisions anymore.

@BlairLoudly: Whatever Mom, IF THAT'S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!

@BlairLoudly: I've easily spent 12% of my life chuckling at my own jokes and being grossed out by my own body. Also, I like random percentages.