@BlindChow: [crime scene]
ROOKIE COP: but why would a chicken kill himself?
DETECTIVE: *lowers shades* to get to the other side
*rookie cop vomits*
@BlindChow: The remote isn't working! And the TV's stuck on Food Network again!
"Are you in the kitchen?"
"Honey, that's the microwave."
@BlindChow: "I want to put a baby in you," I whisper to the microwave over the sound of the infant crying next door.
@BlindChow: friend: what are your plans for The Purge?
[imagines broadcasting a football game w/o express written consent of the NFL]
me: do a murder
@BlindChow: *uses Oujia board*
ＳＭＥＬＬＳ ＬＩＫＥ ＵＰＤＯＧ
me: what's updog?
ＮＯＴ ＭＵＣＨ, ＤＯＧ, ＪＵＳＴ ＡＢＯＵＴ ＴＯ ＰＯＳＳＥＳＳ ＹＯＵＲ ＣＡＴ
@BlindChow: *interrogating cat*
Admit it! You're a Communist!
A no-good red!
Tough guy eh?
We can do this all night.
@BlindChow: [takes e-cig from guy beside me & takes a hit] dude, your e-cig is broken
GUY BESIDE ME: give me back my clarinet
@BlindChow: *tree falls in the forest*
*tree pretends to start jogging so it doesn't look like an idiot*