Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Bob_Janke's best tweets

@Bob_Janke : Wear a sombrero to the next wedding you're invited too. Long after they're divorced they'll talk about the guy in the sombrero.

@Bob_Janke: I don't know what upsets me more, the fact that that guy stole my tweet or that he only got 2 retweets off of it

@Bob_Janke: It's true I hear voices in my head but they speak Russian so I have absolutely no idea what they're saying

@Bob_Janke: Give me the nuclear codes. No one would expect me to have them

@Bob_Janke: If you send me game requests on Facebook I'll visit an adult bookstore and tag you as being with me.

@Bob_Janke: The government shut down. Monkey knife fights in my backyard in one hour BYOB

@Bob_Janke: Squirrels don't want to wear shoes no matter how cold it is I tell the emergency room physician

@Bob_Janke: Reports say 3 billion Yahoo accounts were hacked and suddenly 3 billion people remembered they had yahoo accounts.

@Bob_Janke: My neighbor is having a nice party with loud music and everyone is having fun I should call the cops

@Bob_Janke: If you immediately tell new people you meet you're allergic to chocolate, you can eat all of their candy bars when they aren't looking.