Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Bob_Janke's best tweets

@Bob_Janke : Every morning I have to check my shoes for scorpions. We don't have scorpions in Illinois people just hate me.

@Bob_Janke: Science Lesson: A baking dish that's been in a 400 degree oven, is also 400 degrees and you shouldn't touch it.

@Bob_Janke: say whatever you want about twitter, at least it's keeping you people off the streets

@Bob_Janke: The IRS just called me so I wired $5000 to their office in Pakistan just like they said so I hope that solves everything

@Bob_Janke: I need a fifth of Wild Turkey, some meth, three sticks of dynamite and a Bible. I'll explain later.

@Bob_Janke: I saw a guy that had a knife on his belt tonight and I thought, "now there's a guy that's really prepared to slice some cake"

@Bob_Janke: I found an extra $9 in the bank! Get dressed baby we're going to Little Caeser's!

@Bob_Janke: Fun experiment: Go into any store and ask for "the big stupid looking guy" see who they bring you

@Bob_Janke: This guy on Animal Planet is looking for some kind of leopard and I've never wanted someone to be eaten by a leopard more than I do right now.

@Bob_Janke: Me: There's a cold spot I think it's a ghost

Her: You're standing in front of the open refrigerator

Me: OUR REFRIGERATOR IS HAUNTED?!