Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BoogTweets's best tweets

@BoogTweets : Wife: You’re going to be a great Dad one day Me: And you’ll make a great Mom one day too Son: *From the basement* WHEN

@BoogTweets: Me: *at the children’s museum* they seem so life like

Wife: those are our children

@BoogTweets: Her: you know what really makes my mouth water?

Me *slowly closes the menu* salivary glands

@BoogTweets: Me: how much for the seal Dracula

Zoo keeper: that’s a walrus

@BoogTweets: If you hold a baby up to a light and don’t see the security strip it’s a fake baby

@BoogTweets: Me: you feel like doing something?

Her: sure, I have a few hours to kill

Me: maybe after the killing then

@BoogTweets: I'm no expert but a Brazilian sounds like a whole lot of bras

@BoogTweets: Her: I’m hungry. If you loved me you’d give me breakfast in bed ;)

Me: *hands her my emergency poptart from my pillowcase* only because ily

@BoogTweets: Gordon Ramsey: tell me what you’ve made here

Me: *placing my hand on his* an everlasting friendship