Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BoogTweets's best tweets

@BoogTweets : Newborn babies implies there are oldborn babies and honestly that’s terrifying

@BoogTweets: (my first day as a transformer)

optimus prime: Transformers, roll out!

Me:*transforms into hotdog cart* CAN I GET A PUSH HERE

@BoogTweets: How many priest do you have to fight to get to the pope

@BoogTweets: Anyone can be a sword swallower at least one time

@BoogTweets: Me: Mom, can I die from eating pancakes

Mom: let’s not talk like that

Me: sorry, can I please die from eating pancakes

@BoogTweets: Wife: You’re going to be a great Dad one day

Me: And you’ll make a great Mom one day too

Son: *From the basement* WHEN

@BoogTweets: Me: *at the children’s museum* they seem so life like

Wife: those are our children

@BoogTweets: Her: you know what really makes my mouth water?

Me *slowly closes the menu* salivary glands

@BoogTweets: Me: how much for the seal Dracula

Zoo keeper: that’s a walrus

@BoogTweets: If you hold a baby up to a light and don’t see the security strip it’s a fake baby