Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BoogTweets's best tweets

@BoogTweets : Her: stop kicking everything you don’t feel like picking up under the refrigerator Me: why *from under the refrigerator* *baby noises*

@BoogTweets: [at the gym]

wheat: *flexing* you like what you see babe?

*shredded wheat walks by*

wheat: SONOFA

@BoogTweets: [at a wake]

Me: *closes coffin to set my drink down* so, what are you doing after this

Widow: wow

@BoogTweets: Me: *Trying to sneak to the fridge for a late night snack*

Hardwood floors: ALLOW ME TO SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE

@BoogTweets: Judas: I can’t wait for you to die
Jesus: what
Judas: Easter eggs, can’t wait for you to dye Easter eggs
Jesus: what eggs?

@BoogTweets: What if deer stare at our headlights because they’re trying to use the force to stop the car and when one actually stops their deer squad is in the woods watching and just losing their minds over it

@BoogTweets: [using a dust pan for the first time]

Me: honey, how long until this dirt is cooked

@BoogTweets: [first date]

Me: so what do you do

Her: I’m a stay at home mom

Me: *leans in close* then what are you doing outside of that house

@BoogTweets: [Interrogation]

Cop: this guy looks like a cop if you ask me

*intercom* you need to be on this side of the mirror, Carl

@BoogTweets: [watching Ironman]

Me: This Elon Musk biography is fire