Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BoogTweets's best tweets

@BoogTweets : [watching Ironman] Me: This Elon Musk biography is fire

@BoogTweets: Me: Thank you for shopping at Walmart

Her: *rolling over in bed* next time I pick what we role play

@BoogTweets: Doritos CEO: we are getting a lot of backlash over this crunchless chip for women. We need ideas

Thrice divorced Bob: When they finish the bag it can be pulled over their heads in shame

CEO: I like it

@BoogTweets: Me: *violently swinging a stick* these piñatas are getting harder to hit

Zip line park owner: Hello 911? He’s back again

@BoogTweets: [bank holdup]

Bank teller: interesting choice in masks

Me: The box said it moisturizes and cleans the pores

@BoogTweets: A woman in front of me is taking forever to decide on her coffee order. Might unleash the raw fury of my passive aggressive deep sigh but there are children watching

@BoogTweets: Me: *Trying to experiment in bed*

Her: *looking up from her book* What’s with the lab coat?

@BoogTweets: Me: *being possessed* Ew, do you always feel like this?

@BoogTweets: Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?

@BoogTweets: Me: *looks back at two sets of foot prints in the sand* Why didn’t you carry me back there?

Jesus: You were stress eating during those times and got kind of umm… *holding arms out* you know… *puffs out cheeks*