@BoogTweets: (my first day as a transformer)
optimus prime: Transformers, roll out!
Me:*transforms into hotdog cart* CAN I GET A PUSH HERE
@BoogTweets: Me: Mom, can I die from eating pancakes
Mom: let’s not talk like that
Me: sorry, can I please die from eating pancakes
@BoogTweets: Wife: You’re going to be a great Dad one day
Me: And you’ll make a great Mom one day too
Son: *From the basement* WHEN
@BoogTweets: Me: *at the children’s museum* they seem so life like
Wife: those are our children
@BoogTweets: Her: you know what really makes my mouth water?
Me *slowly closes the menu* salivary glands
@BoogTweets: If you hold a baby up to a light and don’t see the security strip it’s a fake baby