@BoogTweets: Me: *at the children’s museum* they seem so life like
Wife: those are our children
@BoogTweets: Her: you know what really makes my mouth water?
Me *slowly closes the menu* salivary glands
@BoogTweets: If you hold a baby up to a light and don’t see the security strip it’s a fake baby
@BoogTweets: Me: you feel like doing something?
Her: sure, I have a few hours to kill
Me: maybe after the killing then
@BoogTweets: Her: I’m hungry. If you loved me you’d give me breakfast in bed ;)
Me: *hands her my emergency poptart from my pillowcase* only because ily
@BoogTweets: Gordon Ramsey: tell me what you’ve made here
Me: *placing my hand on his* an everlasting friendship