@BoogTweets: (Creating the platypus)
God: Make that beaver think a duck is sexy and then they, *hip thrusts*
God: You know *hip thrusts*
@BoogTweets: Dad: People overcome adversity all the time. Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?
Me: *never blinks again*
@BoogTweets: If they ever invent time travel my dad would still insist on leaving early to avoid traffic
@BoogTweets: Interviewer: who are these people with you?
Me: My squad.
My mom and dad: *whispering* tell him about our goals.
@BoogTweets: Her: *slaps grilled cheese from my hand* I'm leaving you!
Me: *slowly removes emergency grilled cheese from my pocket*
@BoogTweets: Me: *taking a family photograph*
Family: Did that guy just steal our picture?
@BoogTweets: Dad: What is taking him so long to get me that crow bar?
Me: *Applying for a liquor license* Yes I'm serious, it's just for crows.
@BoogTweets: Mom: Your son still won't do his laundry. Talk to him
Dad: I'm not going in there
Dad: Last week I stubbed my toe on 1 of his socks