Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Book_Krazy's best tweets

@Book_Krazy : Me: I'm so excited! I just planted my first Azalea. Iggy: Help! Let me out of here! Me: Hush! Flowers don't talk silly.

@Book_Krazy: A fun way to make someone self conscious, is to put a nose hair trimmer in their grocery cart while maintaing full eye contact with them.

@Book_Krazy: Me: *showing the priest a gif of a dog chasing his tail* Haha it's like he never stops

Priest: Ok but I said "Bring the GIFTS to the alter"

@Book_Krazy: Call me crazy but "dropping the ball" does not sound like a good way to start off a new year.

@Book_Krazy: My husband just told me to relax, like he doesn't remember we're camping in the desert and I brought a shovel.

@Book_Krazy: Turtle 911: Whats ur emergency?

Turtle: MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DISAPPEARED!

911: Have u tried looking in her house?

Turtle: oops never mind.

@Book_Krazy: 9: Whatcha watching?

Me: Tiny Houses.

9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there?

Me: Two people.

9: Are they married?

Me: Not for long.

@Book_Krazy: Sam: Welcome to Multiple Personality Club.

Sam: No one else is here.

Sam: You're here.

Sam: I'M YOU, STUPID!

Sam: OK EVERYONE CALM DOWN!

@Book_Krazy: Me: It's late. I guess I'll go to bed.

-My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one "Let's put up a tent in the living room"

@Book_Krazy: [At Mall]

Good cop: CLEAR A PATH PEOPLE!

Bad cop: OFFICIAL POLICE BUSINESS

Black Friday cop: *Segways past everyone & gets the last HDTV*