@Book_Krazy: [on my deathbed]
Me: Where...*cough* where is your father?
Kids: *crying by my side* being consoled by your girlfriends.
Me: I'M UP!!!
@Book_Krazy: No thanks treadmills. If I want to reach my target heart rate, I'll just have a panic attack.
@Book_Krazy: [War Museum]
Cop: Ma'am, you called about some stolen torpedoes?
Me: Actually I said Doritos
Cop: *walks away
Me: THEY WERE COOL RANCH
@Book_Krazy: [1st date]
Him: We share perfect chemistry!
Me: *but all I hear is the word "share" as I create a fortress around my nachos with my hands*
@Book_Krazy: *A guide to 1st dates*
Thanks for coming over.
Let me give you the tour.
This is my bedroom.
The top drawer is yours.
Where are you going?
Him: Your resume just says you can have Friday afternoons off.
Me: Sounds great. I'll take it.
@Book_Krazy: "I Got a new dress for date night!"
Hub: Thats sexy! I like the zipper going down the front *winks*
"This is the garment bag you idiot"
@Book_Krazy: Me: *Wishes upon a star* Please, I just want the world to be a better place.
Asteroid: ON MY WAAAY!!!
@Book_Krazy: Me: A bird just flew in the building.
CW: That means someone's gonna die!
Me: *grabs letter opener
Me: I don't make the rules Karen