Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Book_Krazy's best tweets

@Book_Krazy : Me: How did Mrs. Incredible know to name her son Dash if she didnt know what his superpower was yet? Cashier: so was that paper or plastic?

@Book_Krazy: HIM: you promise you're not an octopus?
ME: of course not silly
HIM: good. come in & meet my family
ME: *hugs all 4 of them at once*

@Book_Krazy: [Interview]

Your resume just says "I'm a mom". Why in the world would I hire you?

Me: BECAUSE I SAID SO THAT'S WHY!

@Book_Krazy: Me: What were you and daddy just laughing about?

9: You

Me: What about me?

9: You won't think its as funny as we do

@Book_Krazy: [Spelling Bee]

Her: Your word is consent.

Him: Can you describe the word?

Her: Yes.

@Book_Krazy: Satan: What's that?

God: Babies. I made them the sweetest creatures in the universe.

Satan: I see. *invents screaming*

God: lol good one!

@Book_Krazy: Nick's coming over

Nick from work, or Nick who thinks he's a scorpion?

*Nick bursts through the door* HERE I AM, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE

@Book_Krazy: Ok, Don't let them know you're an egg

"Mr Yolk, you are 20 minutes late for this interview"

[drags on cig] I was getting laid by a chick

@Book_Krazy: Judge: So, you don't know how the victims blood got in your car?

Clown: In my defense Your Honor, there were 46 other passengers in the car

@Book_Krazy: Mom, I'm glad April Fools is on a wkend. Kids at school are jerks

Me:*Hiding a plate of waffles drenched in olive oil* yeah people are mean