Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BoomBoomBetty's best tweets

@BoomBoomBetty : [hangs a sixth set of wind chimes along the property line] That’s for blasting country music at your backyard party last weekend, Rick.

@BoomBoomBetty: Every family has a crazy aunt.

Me: Our family doesn’t have one of those.
My sisters’ families:
Me:
My brothers’ families:
Me: Oh.

@BoomBoomBetty: Watching the Flintstones and the Monkees as a kid gave me an unreasonable expectation that I would be spending a lot more nights in haunted mansions to inherit my kooky dead uncle‘s fortune.

@BoomBoomBetty: [changes out of pajama pants with pockets to pajama pants without pockets]

Bedtime.

@BoomBoomBetty: The worst part about having PMS in the winter is the ground is too frozen to bury the bodies.

@BoomBoomBetty: Foreigner: I want to know what love is.

Me: And I want to know why people do weird things like put butter on banana bread.

@BoomBoomBetty: Parents to our kids: Honesty is the best policy.

Also parents to our kids: Pretend you’re sick and don’t tell anyone I held the thermometer to the lightbulb to get us out of this party.

@BoomBoomBetty: When our children are on their own and off our medical insurance, we’re going to take that extra money and buy Fiji.

@BoomBoomBetty: Southern women don’t outright fight. We passive aggressively drive one another into the ground with compliments and trying to make the better fried chicken.

@BoomBoomBetty: “LINES OF COKE” is the only acceptable answer to yell from the bathroom when someone asks you a stupid question like what are you doing in there