@BrainFumbles: "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the tru-"
I choose dare, your honor
"Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"
@BrainFumbles: [throws dirty diaper away]
- OMG WHAT R U DOING?!
- it's gross im not touching that
- GET THE BABY OUT OF THE TRASH & CHANGE IT!
- ugh, fine
@BrainFumbles: How to get a woman:
1) find one who sells cars
2) take a test drive
3) just keep driving
She's yours now, plus you have a new car.
@BrainFumbles: I swear to god, the next car that cuts me off will be driving in front of me.
@BrainFumbles: They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn't land on her feet and now I'm in jail for murder.