Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Brentweets's best tweets

@Brentweets : "Sir you can't bring a whole cake into a movie theater" "What if I cut it in half?"

@Brentweets: "Hi doc!"
"Hi! What is that behind your ear?"
"Nice try, too old for the coin trick"
"No it's a tumor"
"Oh my god"
"Kidding it's a quarter"

@Brentweets: I don't think it is fair God plays for the Seahawks, seems like an unfair advantage.

@Brentweets: San Andreas is just like Godzilla only Godzilla is invisible

@Brentweets: "Fluffy died today"
"Oh my god I'm so sorry, was he a cat or dog?
"He was a boa constrictor"
"Well that made me feel better"

@Brentweets: Playing Guess Who these days is hard
"Is your person white?"
"Excuse me?"
"Is your person white?"
"I don't see skin color I just see people"

@Brentweets: I went to handshake someone and he basically just gripped my thumb and I'm never going to be popular

@Brentweets: I let an AT&T Customer Service Representative call me Brenda for a half hour because I was too embarrassed to correct him

@Brentweets: "Do you need help with your math homework Billy?"
"Yeah I sure do Dad!"
"Well you're shit out of luck"