Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of BritXNic's best tweets

@BritXNic : Who needs Karate lessons when you can just have a bee near your head?

@BritXNic: I had an affair with English. Since then, Math and I don't speak.

@BritXNic: *Slowly breaks up with you, word by word, during a game of Scrabble.

@BritXNic: You can tell a lot about a man by the way he calls off the wedding and starts dating your brother.

@BritXNic: Been told I'm a pretty awful human being.
I stopped listening after he said I was pretty.

@BritXNic: I'm sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets.

@BritXNic: Don't mind me. Just over here shaking my phone like a Magic 8-Ball, trying to get the screen to rotate back.

@BritXNic: My waxer just cancelled.
So I'm making the best of a bad situation and riding around on top of minivans, Teen Wolf style.

@BritXNic: Unless you met your spouse while committing a diamond heist, I don't need to hear how you got together.

@BritXNic: I had some food stuck in my teeth and now I'm an international beatboxing champion.