@BritXNic: You can tell a lot about a man by the way he calls off the wedding and starts dating your brother.
@BritXNic: Been told I'm a pretty awful human being.
I stopped listening after he said I was pretty.
@BritXNic: I'm sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets.
@BritXNic: Don't mind me. Just over here shaking my phone like a Magic 8-Ball, trying to get the screen to rotate back.
@BritXNic: My waxer just cancelled.
So I'm making the best of a bad situation and riding around on top of minivans, Teen Wolf style.
@BritXNic: Unless you met your spouse while committing a diamond heist, I don't need to hear how you got together.
@BritXNic: I had some food stuck in my teeth and now I'm an international beatboxing champion.