@C00LpenNAME: *Job Interview
Me: “Thanks for meeting with me”
IKEA Manager: “My pleasure. Have a seat”
(Sees nothing but a pile of finished wood, quarter inch screws, and an allen wrench)
Manager *starts timer*
@C00LpenNAME: 12yo daughter: *SCREAMS*
12yo: A spider!
Me: It’s just a spider
12yo: I don’t want it to bite me!
Me: You’ll never be a super hero w/that attitude
@C00LpenNAME: A recent study shows that 90% of all adults have a chronic or even fatal disease
The other 10% don't use Web MD
@C00LpenNAME: I think the real life lesson Darth Vader tries to teach us is having children can ruin your life
@C00LpenNAME: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
Obituary: died of Malaria, Small Pox, Polio, & the flu
@C00LpenNAME: Why are we wasting time on all these "beware of dog" signs?
I’ve never met a cat that wasn't obviously plotting to kill somebody...