Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Cali_Kid_Mike's best tweets

@Cali_Kid_Mike : "You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like shit."

@Cali_Kid_Mike: Nice try government. But I'm not taking you back until I know where you've been for the last two weeks.

@Cali_Kid_Mike: I just saw 125 spf sunblock. Maybe going outside isn't for everyone.

@Cali_Kid_Mike: Twitter Clique: (n) a small exclusive group of friends who promise to tell each other they are funny.

@Cali_Kid_Mike: Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means "Doing the Facebook". Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.

@Cali_Kid_Mike: "Love means never having to say your sorry."

- someone who is very single

@Cali_Kid_Mike: So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?

@Cali_Kid_Mike: I want to hold you till the end of time, or until I have to pee.

@Cali_Kid_Mike: Breaking: Fox News reports Obama is no longer a suspect.