Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of CaniacMONK's best tweets

@CaniacMONK : "Is that a banana in your pocket or you just happy to see me?" *Pulls out smart car

@CaniacMONK: Plot twist:

Everybody shoots Cupid with an arrow.

@CaniacMONK: When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult.

So yeah....kids are stupid.

@CaniacMONK: People who say they "Like to have fun"...

No shit?

@CaniacMONK: My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.

@CaniacMONK: I hope I get a good grade on my kids science project this year.

@CaniacMONK: *Works out on rowing machine

*Breaks rowing machine

*Doesn't know own strength

*Buys Doritos to celebrate

*Can't open bag

@CaniacMONK: I'm at my most brilliant when the door says "pull" and I don't believe it.

@CaniacMONK: *Sees thing on floor

*Vacuums over said thing

*Vacuum cant pick it up

*Picks up thing

*Looks at it

*Puts it back on the floor to vacuum