Funny Tweeter

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Page of CantWaitToNap's best tweets

@CantWaitToNap : Husband confiscated my credit card last week. The news just said that Amazon stock is down. THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT.

@CantWaitToNap: *Googles “exercise apps for lazy people”*

*Downloads five apps*

That should do it for today.

@CantWaitToNap: Cop: *Hands me ticket
“I’ll see you in court.”

Me: *Seductively winks
“Sure is a lot of trouble just to see me again.”

Cop: ...

@CantWaitToNap: “Are you insane? Did you escape from a mental institution?” he flirted.

@CantWaitToNap: “Catch me if you can, officer.”
*Seductively winks.

*screams as police dog takes me down.

@CantWaitToNap: I’d totally bang him, but how awkward would the job interview be after that?

@CantWaitToNap: Hey boy, are you an Amazon wish list?

Because I want you so bad, but will forget about you when I sign out.

@CantWaitToNap: “I smell like candy,” I mouthed to the hot guy in traffic that caught me smelling my shirt.

@CantWaitToNap: *Seductively stripping out of clothes.

Gynecologist: Please stop that.