@CantWaitToNap: *Googles “exercise apps for lazy people”*
*Downloads five apps*
That should do it for today.
@CantWaitToNap: Cop: *Hands me ticket
“I’ll see you in court.”
Me: *Seductively winks
“Sure is a lot of trouble just to see me again.”
@CantWaitToNap: “Catch me if you can, officer.”
*screams as police dog takes me down.
@CantWaitToNap: I’d totally bang him, but how awkward would the job interview be after that?
@CantWaitToNap: Hey boy, are you an Amazon wish list?
Because I want you so bad, but will forget about you when I sign out.
@CantWaitToNap: “I smell like candy,” I mouthed to the hot guy in traffic that caught me smelling my shirt.