Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Carbosly's best tweets

@Carbosly : Apparently, saying "make it a double" followed by an awkward wink doesn't work at the pharmacy.

@Carbosly: Being a hacker in the '80's was way easier.

*shakes vending machine until chocolate bars falls.

@Carbosly: "I'm scared of thunder and vacuums but this beehive full of killer bees looks delicious."

- Dogs

@Carbosly: A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.

@Carbosly: That moment when you hear a weird noise in the house and you're so lazy you think "Meh, whatever. I had a good run."

@Carbosly: I turned on my computer and it went "Word" and I was like "Yo".

@Carbosly: Gluten-free, low salt, no sugar all-natural whole grain bread?

The only thing "natural" about this product is the urge to get away from it.

@Carbosly: Dear movies,
We'll never be upset to the point of throwing expensive jewelry at the bottom of the ocean. Never.

Sincerely,
Women

@Carbosly: When people ask me how old I am, I always say 45.
They all think I look AMAZING for my age.

@Carbosly: "Just spread them open and shove your face in there."

- How to put on glasses.