@CaucasianJames: if ur tinder bio says u wanna go on adventures don’t be complaining about how seasick u are when we’re halfway across the atlantic in my uncle’s boat

@CaucasianJames: so ur trying to tell me a buffalo chicken made this dip

@CaucasianJames: marry someone u only kinda like so if u get a divorce it won’t be that bad

@CaucasianJames: grocery store clerk: did u find everything ok today

me, who couldn’t find the tortillas after 30 minutes of searching: yes

@CaucasianJames: i think it’s time i give cats another chance. if any cats are reading this i just wanna say sorry for wanting to send u all to the military (even tho i still think it’s a good idea since u all have 9 lives) and i’m willing to start over if u are

@CaucasianJames: Doctor: you need to improve your diet what do you have for breakfast

Me: eggs

Doctor:

Me: ok reese’s eggs