@CauseWereGuys: My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 3 days ago
@CauseWereGuys: The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
@CauseWereGuys: I farted while lifting a heavy object today. It was very embarrassing. I had to apologize to the man at the next urinal.
@CauseWereGuys: Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death.
@CauseWereGuys: Siri is the only girl that answers my questions without having to ask why..