Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Cheeseboy22's best tweets

@Cheeseboy22 : My sunscreen says its SPF 100. I opened the tube and squeezed out a blanket.

@Cheeseboy22: My arm could be chopped off and I could be covering the wound with paper towels and my wife would be like, "Too many. You're wasting them!"

@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes when I'm sitting in a swivel chair, I'll turn around quickly and smile and pretend I'm in the opening credits of a sitcom.

@Cheeseboy22: In honor of Star Wars day today, I cut off my son's hand and kissed my sister.

@Cheeseboy22: The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.

@Cheeseboy22: My son is petrified of thunder. I told him that is ridiculous, it's the lightning that will kill him.

@Cheeseboy22: A terrible baby shower game idea is called, "Have a man come in and guess which woman at the shower is pregnant."

@Cheeseboy22: I know you're not supposed to hug the old lady giving out samples at Costco, but the sausage she gave me had cheese inside. Cheese.In.Side.

@Cheeseboy22: The greatest joy you can feel as a parent is when you get the call that they've canceled your kid's Saturday sporting event.

@Cheeseboy22: My wife told me we need a new bathroom scale a week ago, but today she let me know that it wasn't something she wanted for Valentine's Day.