Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ClichedOut's best tweets

@ClichedOut : scientist: the universe is 14 billion yrs old me: i believe it waiter: this plate is hot me: yeah right *touches it*

@ClichedOut: Cop: this whole crime scene is fishy

Cat Detective: *flashing badge* ok i'll take it from here

@ClichedOut: interviewer: how did u hear about us

me: *sweating* w-with my ears

@ClichedOut: me: i've been hearing voices

psychiatrist:

me:

psychiatrist: u don't have a psychiatrist

@ClichedOut: interviewer: how would u describe yourself

me: unemployed

@ClichedOut: WAITER: u can choose between 6 chocolate desserts and carrot cake

ME: the 6 chocolate desserts please

@ClichedOut: Saw an Italian nativity scene:

• Mary
• Joseph
• Shepherds
• Donkeys
• Sheep
• 47 wise guys

@ClichedOut: Her: when we go to Hawaii let's ride dolphins

Me: i'm taking a plane Linda

@ClichedOut: me: i trained my dog to talk

her: let's see

me: describe sandpaper

dog: ruff

me: the outer layer of a tree

dog: bark

her: this sucks

me: that little rapper guy

dog: bow wow

@ClichedOut: Me: Did u get a haircut

Dad's brain:

don't say it
don't say it
don't say it
don't say it
don't say it
don't say it
don't say it
don't say it
don't say it
don't say it

Dad: No I got 'em all cut