Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ClichedOut's best tweets

@ClichedOut : Genie: You can't have unlimited wishes. Me: I wish for unlimited genies. Genie: Son of a

@ClichedOut: HER: We broke up at his house at 10:37 pm on Tues the 17th.

HIM: She's mad at me.

@ClichedOut: HER: hey, do u come here often?

ME: all the time

HER: do u know if the bartender is single?

@ClichedOut: Me: *walks to counter* One large fry.

Cashier: Sir, there's a line.

Me: Oh, they're not with me.

@ClichedOut: (first date)
Her: I work in a science lab.
Me: (trying to impress) I donated my brain for research.

@ClichedOut: Her: U ready for the next Star Wars?

Me: *sweating* Did we win the last one?

@ClichedOut: Her: You look great without glasses

Me: I don't wear glasses

Her: *putting them back on* I do

@ClichedOut: [first day as lifeguard]

Kid: *waving dramatically*

Me: hey are u waving at me or those kids behind me?

@ClichedOut: Her: Nice horse. Do you race her?

Me: Lol I'm way too fat and slow.

@ClichedOut: ME: i'm writing a book about lame cars

HER: what's it called

ME: sorry, no spoilers