Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ClichedOut's best tweets

@ClichedOut : HER: i'm leaving u ME: is it bc of my irrational paranoia HER: yes ME: did the dog put you up to this

@ClichedOut: HER: i'm leaving u

ME: is it bc i don't take u seriously

HER: yes

ME: yeah right

@ClichedOut: A 23-yr-old woman in India fought off an adult tiger with a stick.

My cat stole my tuna sandwich right out of my hand.

@ClichedOut: CW: can i ask a stupid question

ME: sure u seem qualified

@ClichedOut: HER: i'm leaving u

ME: is it bc u hate ventriloquism

HER: yes

BUNNY: [quietly] don't let her see u cry

@ClichedOut: pirahna: my tooth is killing me

dentist:

pirahna: way in the back

dentist: how are u even out of water

@ClichedOut: [being murdered]

me: this is free, right?

@ClichedOut: her: wanna come over

me: can't i'm at an office party

her: ur self-employed

me: and having a great time

@ClichedOut: [ordering from the dollar menu]

me: hi i'll have 7 dollars please

@ClichedOut: me: we have a problem, i forgot the speakers

her: it's cool i don't like music

me: ok we have 2 problems