Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Coastiefish's best tweets

@Coastiefish : I was a pizza delivery guy once, but only for a day. They gave me 12 pizzas to deliver and I just never came back.

@Coastiefish: Don't say "ATM machine". The "M" already stands for "machine".

It's redundant. It's like saying "end result" or "racist Fox News Anchor".

@Coastiefish: My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device in Florida.

I call it "No air conditioning".

@Coastiefish: I don't know the lyrics to any of Pitbull's songs, but in my defense, I'm not really convinced he does either.

@Coastiefish: You think God hates crosses?

If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed.

@Coastiefish: I just walked through a spiderweb and invented the next Macarena.

@Coastiefish: This guy says he rides a bike 20 miles a day, and then runs 5 miles a day too.

Yo bro, you gotta get a car.