@ComedicBust: *Blind Date*
Her: Ask me anything..
Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos?
Her: Are you seri..
Me: *flips table*
@ComedicBust: [Walking into the gym Jan 1st]
Trainer: Hello! This is a great life change you're making.
Me: [confused] This used to be an Olive Garden..
@ComedicBust: *On my Deathbed*
Me: Tell Tac.. *cough*
Wife: What sweetie? Tell who what?!
Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..
@ComedicBust: Role playing is fun, but I'm starting to wonder why my girlfriend will only let me dress up as my brother Randy.
@ComedicBust: Nice try Halloween, I eat candy in the dark and pretend not to be home every night.
@ComedicBust: As soon as I get to a party, I start saying goodbye; that way I'm out of there within 4 hours.
@ComedicBust: *Speed Dating*
Me: What'd you have for lunch?
Her: Funny you should ask, I had this really great salad wit...
@ComedicBust: Sometimes I'll casually say "what else do you want?" on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I'm ordering for more than just me.