Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ComedicBust's best tweets

@ComedicBust : If Batman exists, he's doing a shitty job.

@ComedicBust: When my co-worker asked me if I wanted anything from the vending machine, I can tell she wasn't expecting me to say 4 Snickers bars.

@ComedicBust: I asked my gf not to wear any panties in hopes of spicing things up, but she ignored me and just kept rolling around, being a watermelon.

@ComedicBust: [role playing in bed as pirates]

Me: Arggh, I want that booty.

Her: *giggling* Mmmk

Me: [takes out a map] Now if we cross the Atlantic...

@ComedicBust: All of my clothes look like they're about to explode off my body, yet my grandma still asks me if I'm eating enough every time I see her.

@ComedicBust: I'm about to make this Taco Bell cashier wish she was paid on commission.

@ComedicBust: [during a plane crash]

Guy sitting next to me: HOLY SHIT WE'RE GOING DOWN

Me: [leaning over] You gonna finish those cashews?

@ComedicBust: [Commercial]

"Tired of spilling meatballs while eating in bed?"

Me: YES

"Maybe it's time you re-evaluate your life."

Me: [heavy sigh]

@ComedicBust: [in a burning building]

Johnny Depp: Use my scarves to climb down

Me: WHERE DID YOU COME F..

JD: [transforms into a raven and flies away]

@ComedicBust: Me: Ugh, there's always issues with the wifi!

Mexican grandfather: When I was 6, I fought a pack of wolves crossing the border to America.