Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of CornOnTheGoblin's best tweets

@CornOnTheGoblin : [to girl i just brought home] watch your step, i was playing with my legos earlier

@CornOnTheGoblin: [doing yard work] (evanescence guy voice) rake me up (evanescence girl voice) rake me up outside
[my wife looking at me through the blinds] oh god he's singing again

@CornOnTheGoblin: [awkward silence while i drive my date home] in my defense some places let you draw on the menu

@CornOnTheGoblin: me: i wish for good health, to be rich, and finally....for your freedom
therapist: once again i am not a genie but you being here is starting to make more sense

@CornOnTheGoblin: genie: you get three wishes
me: i wish you were terrible at math
genie: ok you're out of wishes
me: wait no

@CornOnTheGoblin: [worried my date might be getting bored so i turn my video game difficulty from easy to hard]

@CornOnTheGoblin: spelling bee judge: your word is respect
me: can you use it in...a song
spelling bee judge: nice try

@CornOnTheGoblin: [puts on a song to set the mood]
date: ...is this the monster mash?