Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of CornOnTheGoblin's best tweets

@CornOnTheGoblin : me: i wish for good health, to be rich, and finally....for your freedom therapist: once again i am not a genie but you being here is starting to make more sense

@CornOnTheGoblin: genie: you get three wishes
me: i wish you were terrible at math
genie: ok you're out of wishes
me: wait no

@CornOnTheGoblin: [worried my date might be getting bored so i turn my video game difficulty from easy to hard]

@CornOnTheGoblin: spelling bee judge: your word is respect
me: can you use it in...a song
spelling bee judge: nice try

@CornOnTheGoblin: [puts on a song to set the mood]
date: ...is this the monster mash?

@CornOnTheGoblin: date: you can't seriously be mad
me: [one french fry fewer than before] i just hope i don't starve

@CornOnTheGoblin: my friend: [just got fired from his job] what a day
me: [got to the gym and only my left headphone worked] you have no idea

@CornOnTheGoblin: (second date)
me: [eager to show off new tattoo] remember how you said you liked garlic bread

@CornOnTheGoblin: me: (calls out the wrong name during sex)
gf: who the hell is waluigi