Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of CornOnTheGoblin's best tweets

@CornOnTheGoblin : [video of me taking off and eating the toppings first on a pizza] judge: my god divorce lawyer whispers to my wife: we got him

@CornOnTheGoblin: my neighbor: the wife and i are having trouble in the bedroom
me: oh no, ghosts?

@CornOnTheGoblin: date: probably losing a loved one. what about you, what's your biggest fear?
me: driving into a wall that someone has painted to look like a tunnel

@CornOnTheGoblin: roses are red / violets are blue
who let the dogs out / who who who who

@CornOnTheGoblin: [tries a new move during sex to keep things interested]
wife: did you just dab

@CornOnTheGoblin: [to girl i just brought home] watch your step, i was playing with my legos earlier

@CornOnTheGoblin: [doing yard work] (evanescence guy voice) rake me up (evanescence girl voice) rake me up outside
[my wife looking at me through the blinds] oh god he's singing again