Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of cravin4's best tweets

@cravin4 : Eight out of ten married people agree that on your wedding day it’s bad luck to say “i Do.”

@cravin4: First rule of Crocs club is no women allowed.

Women: You didn't need that rule.

@cravin4: After 21 years of marriage I thought it would be funny on National Joke Day to tell my wife I wanted to have more kids. She said "ME TOO!"

Now what do I do?

@cravin4: My wife says I can't be a Twitter Dom until I finish my chores.

@cravin4: Do they charge extra if you want to get a tattoo of an avocado?

@cravin4: It's fine that my wife plans beach vacations every year around Shark Week but only referring to me as "chum" while we're there is a bit much.

@cravin4: I'm a creative speller thus no typos, just art.

@cravin4: I made my son a grilled cheese with three pieces of cheese and he said that's too much cheese.

Now my wife is mad at ME for ordering a DNA test.

@cravin4: I think I overdosed on comfort food last night....

That makes 7,427 days in a row.

@cravin4: Two things I learned this weekend are:

1. I'm not too old to get in a hammock.

2. I'm too old to get out of a hammock.