@cravin4: Hey babe, you look hungry. I have a meal for you in my shorts.
*whips out five course meal from my cargo shorts with still frozen dippin dots for dessert*
@cravin4: I started this new workout that helps protect my abs and obliques by rubbing grilled cheese sandwiches on them from the inside then my body puts a protective layer around them on the outside.
@cravin4: I once had sex while drinking a beer and didn't spill a drop.
I only wish there was someone else there to witness it.
@cravin4: When you just stick the tip in and then move it around and around.
- Hand held pencil sharpener
@cravin4: To inspire all the wonderful women of Twitter I'm sending you all good vibes today. Tomorrow I will ship the batteries.
@cravin4: No that's not popcorn popping, it's just the way my body sounds when I stand up.
@cravin4: Boss: Stop putting fake teeth marks in the urinal cakes. You're freaking out the customers.
@Cravin4: It was that very moment when we realized our shared love for multipurpose utensils brought us together & that's when the sporks flew.