Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Crunk_Jews's best tweets

@Crunk_Jews : Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap.

@Crunk_Jews: [first date]

Her: I like a guy who gets a little nasty

Me: [puts hand sanitizer away] I used a gas station bathroom once

@Crunk_Jews: So apparently when a woman asks what you're looking for in a relationship, "a way out" isn't the right answer.

@Crunk_Jews: [first day as Tour Guide in History Museum]

"And if you look over here you'll see a lot more really old shit."

@Crunk_Jews: Her: what's your favorite thing about our date tonight?

Me: that it's almost over

@Crunk_Jews: People who use a vacation day the day after Christmas to have relatives over clearly don't understand the meaning of the word vacation.

@Crunk_Jews: You can tell a lot about a person by what they're willing to do during conjugal visits.

@Crunk_Jews: [blind date]

Her: I was so scared you'd be a weirdo

Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU

@Crunk_Jews: This drunk guy in the mirror thinks he can beat me in a dance off but I totally embarrassed him in front of the whole women's bathroom.

@Crunk_Jews: Her: I'd take a bullet for you.

Me: How soon can you do that?