@CulturedRuffian: It's been 3 years since I gave myself 1year to live after self diagnosing on WebMD and I'm still here defying the odds everyone. WINNING!
@CulturedRuffian: Me: I wonder why I don't have any friends and can't seem to find anyone to date.
@CulturedRuffian: 1985: "I hope we'll have flying cars in the future!"
2017: "I just used the flashlight on my cell phone to look for spiders under my bed."
@CulturedRuffian: Whenever I say bad words like 'diet', I wash my mouth out with doughnuts.
@CulturedRuffian: Her: I like long walks on the beach.
Me: Is there WiFi?
Me: The beach.
Me: We should see other people.
@CulturedRuffian: What do you mean my cats can't be dependents on my taxes?!
I feed them, clothe them, & care for them!
CPA: You clothe them?
Shut it hater.
@CulturedRuffian: INSTRUCTIONS FOR HUSBANDS TOLD TO DO LAUNDRY:
1.Know when to hold em
2.Know when to fold em
3.Know when to walk away
4.Know when to run
@CulturedRuffian: Doughnuts alone won't fill the emptiness in your soul...you'll also need chocolate milk.
@CulturedRuffian: INCORRECT PUNCTUATION STARTS FIGHTS:
Happy April Fools!!!
Happy April, Fools!!!