Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of CulturedRuffian's best tweets

@CulturedRuffian : HIP-STAR WARS: Obi Wan Quinoa-be VS. Darth Vaper

@CulturedRuffian: When you're watching Scooby-Doo and the scary part comes on.

@CulturedRuffian: If you can diet in October around all the Halloween candy-you're either dying or practicing witchcraft.

@CulturedRuffian: Don't worry little groundhog, when I stick my head outside and see what's going on in the world today I run back inside and hide too.

@CulturedRuffian: [INTERVIEW]

HR: What are your strengths?

Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*

HR: Wow-Weaknesses?

Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*

@CulturedRuffian: Every Monday I say to myself, “Jim...you need to go on a diet and stop eating doughnuts.” Luckily, I am not Jim.

@CulturedRuffian: PLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet. Maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.

@CulturedRuffian: Cyber Monday is probably my favorite holiday to get paid to do my Christmas shopping at work.

@CulturedRuffian: Why didn’t they just call Thanksgiving ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’?