Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Cyd10e's best tweets

@Cyd10e : Old men's pants creep higher & higher up their waist into their armpits. At the end of their lives they're just a pair of pants with a head.

@Cyd10e: My brother never donates blood because he hates the thought that his blood is having more fun in somebody else than it ever did in him.

@Cyd10e: We now live in an age where we rely on technology for even mundane tasks.
Think about it.
Some of you likely need GPS to find your backyard.

@Cyd10e: Bad News: One of the side effects of your medication is death.

Good News: Death pretty much cures anything.

@Cyd10e: There are some people who when they hit rock bottom, they refuse to just lie there...

They just pick up a shovel and started digging.

@Cyd10e: Good News: You mean the world to me.

Bad News: The world is pretty lousy right now.

@Cyd10e: If every day is a gift, I'd have to say today was a Fruitcake from Last Year Day.

Recycled, disappointing and held together by booze.

@Cyd10e: Y'know the trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music does.

@Cyd10e: "Be careful when you follow the Masses.
Sometimes the 'M' is silent."

@Cyd10e: 4 y/o: What's your job?
Me: I stay at home, take care of you, clean, cook the food...
4: That sounds boring. Do you want me to fire you?