Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of D2BMcG's best tweets

@D2BMcG : My reaction to most music that has been released in the last ten years is "what did they just say?"

@D2BMcG: Yes, I'm English.

No, I can't speak British to you.
No, I don't know the Queen.
No, I don't want a spot of tea.

@D2BMcG: "Hello, my name's Drew and I'm an addict"

"Sir, this is a cheese counter"

@D2BMcG: Interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: In a mirror! Well any reflective surface really, windows, shiny cars, puddles...

@D2BMcG: Do you remember when the most annoying thing on the Internet was a dancing baby?

Yeah, good times

@D2BMcG: Getting your shit together just sounds unsanitary

@d2BMcG: You look dirty, so does your toaster maybe you should both go for a bath... I'll draw it

@d2BMcG: I've not smoked weed in two year, during that time I've completed sooooo much

...................... drunk

@d2BMcG: Listen mate, the only rapture I'm interested in was sung by Debbie Harry

@d2BMcG: I went to an AA meeting

I met a lot of batteries