Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DadandBuried's best tweets

@DadandBuried : Doing LEGO with my son is like assisting during surgery. 6yo: Flat gray piece. Me: Here. 6: 5 square red blocks. M: Here. 6: I said RED!

@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.

@DadandBuried: My 6yo is arguing with me over what day of the week it is.

Have kids, they said.

@DadandBuried: They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son's face so parents grow up fast too. I've already become my grandmother.

@DadandBuried: 5yo: I want a snack.

M: You can have a yogurt smoothie.

5: I NEED CHOICES!

M: Ok. You can have a yogurt smoothie or you can have nothing.

@DadandBuried: I'm more comfortable hearing my five-year-old repeat swear words in public than I am hearing him say "uh-oh!" from another room.

@DadandBuried: I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.

@DadandBuried: You'll never know how creative you really are until you need to start lying to your kids.

@DadandBuried: I thought toddlers were the most energetic, obsessive, and relentless people on earth. And then someone got mad at me on Facebook.

@DadandBuried: Women never understand the importance of cords. We NEED to keep all these cords, just in case! What if we run out of cords!