Funny Tweeter

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Page of DadandBuried's best tweets

@DadandBuried : I'm so sick of everyone asking if I *really* hate my kids. They're just jokes, people. Annoying, inconvenient jokes who are ruining my life.

@DadandBuried: My baby reminds me of Freddy Kruger: he's got long, sharp fingernails, is most terrifying at night, and forces you to survive on no sleep.

@DadandBuried: I like having multiple children because that way if one doesn't happen to be screaming there's always another around to pick up the slack.

@DadandBuried: Doing LEGO with my son is like assisting during surgery.

6yo: Flat gray piece.
Me: Here.
6: 5 square red blocks.
M: Here.
6: I said RED!

@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.

@DadandBuried: My 6yo is arguing with me over what day of the week it is.

Have kids, they said.

@DadandBuried: They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son's face so parents grow up fast too. I've already become my grandmother.

@DadandBuried: 5yo: I want a snack.

M: You can have a yogurt smoothie.

5: I NEED CHOICES!

M: Ok. You can have a yogurt smoothie or you can have nothing.

@DadandBuried: I'm more comfortable hearing my five-year-old repeat swear words in public than I am hearing him say "uh-oh!" from another room.

@DadandBuried: I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.