@DaddyJew: [first date]
Date: I'm really big into astrology, I'm a Scorpio
Me: *trying to impress* I'm a tarantula
@DaddyJew: Oatmeal cookies always be the last ones in a variety pack looking up at you like "how badly do you want a cookie?"
@DaddyJew: I taught my kid the importance of stop, drop and roll at an early age. Now he never blocks my view of the television.
@DaddyJew: Gf: is it in?
Me: I think its in
Gf: nothing's happening
Me: give it a sec
Gf: take it out & put it back in
M: ugh fine *reinserts DVD*
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what did you learn from your previous job?
Me: that I need a new job
@DaddyJew: Surround yourself with positive people and positive things will happen. Surround yourself with negative people and say hi to my family.
@DaddyJew: That awkward moment when you look over to give another driver a condescending look criticizing their driving and you nearly wreck and die.