@DaddyJew: Imagine being rich enough you could take your car in to get looked at every time the check engine light came on
@DaddyJew: If you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day but if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done
@DaddyJew: When you catch someone picking their nose it's important that you maintain eye contact so they know you know.
@DaddyJew: 7: I wanna watch a movie
Me: its late, sleep
7: I WANNA WATCH A MOVIE
M: fine *puts in Texas Chainsaw Massacre* goodnight you little shit
@DaddyJew: That awkward moment when you're in bed & go to take a sip of your drink but don't feel like doing a sit up and start waterboarding yourself