Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Danny_McH2O's best tweets

@Danny_McH2O : Kids, no one will ever understand you like your high school love. Get pregnant and marry them right away. You know better than everyone.

@Danny_McH2O: "I'm constantly quoting myself. Like right now, for instance."

I just said that.

@Danny_McH2O: I met a girl that told me, "Make me laugh and I'm yours".

So I pulled down my pants.

Apparently, she didn't want to laugh that hard. :(

@Danny_McH2O: I like that the doctor always asks if I'm a smoker. When I say yes, he tells me I should quit.

No shit? Thanks. Here's all my money.

@Danny_McH2O: It'd be ironic if deaf people hung out in heards.

@Danny_McH2O: I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign.

And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that shit.

@Danny_McH2O: She told me my analogies didn't make any sense.

It seriously made me feel like a biscuit in an elevator.