Funny Tweeter

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Page of Darlainky's best tweets

@Darlainky : {Stalker Diary} Went through his trash. He buys the generic Fruit Loops. I remain committed. I find his frugalness irresistible.

@Darlainky: Instead of asking "Are you still watching?" Netflix just said "Hey, pace yourself, we're almost out of shows."

@Darlainky: I'm not usually a fan of non-fiction, but this Cheesecake Factory menu is a real page turner.

@Darlainky: I don't always make my order as complicated as possible, just when the server is showing off by not writing it down.

@Darlainky: I've never been introduced before entering a room unless you count "Shh, here she comes!"

@Darlainky: Nice try appliances that play music when the cycle is over. You're not tricking me into enjoying housework.

@Darlainky: I hate getting cut off because I've "had enough." Who are they to say how much butter I need on my movie theater popcorn?

@Darlainky: If I had the money to get some work done, I think I'd have them start with the dishes.

@Darlainky: You don't know true paranoia until you Google "How to tell if you're being spied on" and a photo of your living room comes up.

@Darlainky: "Sorry about this, but I ran out of allergy medicine and it's spring," I say to the frightened pharmacy clerk through my hazmat suit.