Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Darlainky's best tweets

@Darlainky : Why is it called an intermittent cell phone signal and not barhopping?

@Darlainky: I could tell you the story of breaking my arm sledding but be warned, it goes downhill fast.

@Darlainky: Instead of throwing away broken phone charger cords, 5 years ago I started saving them for an experiment. I’m 3 cords away from a complete world wrap around.

@Darlainky: My mom says she hates boxed wine because she can't tell how much she's drank. I'm glad I got her eyes instead of her sensibility.

@Darlainky: Rights to name a newly discovered dinosaur will soon go up for auction. I can’t be the only one concerned about this poor thing that’s stayed hidden for millions of years getting named after a rapper.

@Darlainky: This lady totally messed up my Zen during my yoga session by switching on the lights and waking me up.

@Darlainky: An extra mozzarella stick could be the difference in a 3 star or a 5 star experience.

*me overestimating my server's position on reviews

@Darlainky: This guy walked up to me and said he knew me from somewhere but couldn’t place where. I asked if he’d ever worked in a liquor store and guess what you guys?

@Darlainky: I mean, I had to pay a gym membership so technically they’re not really free weights.

@Darlainky: I just won $50 on a scratch off! Guess y'all know who's splurging on the whole cashews next grocery trip.