@Darlainky: Him: I don't see nothin' wrong-
Me: Let me just stop you right there *takes out Grammar Police badge, issues double negative citation*
@Darlainky: Yes, dust for fingerprints is exactly what I meant when I asked you to dust the living room, Sherlock Holmes.
@Darlainky: I’m looking at old yearbooks and for the first time I’m questioning whether my classmates really meant “You’re crazy” as a compliment.
@Darlainky: I walked outside and my glasses fogged up so I went inside to switch to contacts and stay there until October.
@Darlainky: Autocorrect just changed AC to autocorrect even though I meant air conditioning. And I thought I was full of myself.
@Darlainky: [neighborhood meeting]
Me: This is an outrage!
Neighbor: Exactly! The city’s plan to–
Me: Nothing but powdered creamer for the coffee? I’m out of here.
@Darlainky: My parents encouraged our interest in the performing arts by telling my sister and me to act like we had some sense when we were in public.
@Darlainky: I was just trying on the floral romper for fun but then the sales associate asked if my daughter was my sister and now I'm out $140.
@Darlainky: What I wanted to do was look cute making dirt angels for Earth Day. What I did was ruin an entire outfit.