Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Darlainky's best tweets

@Darlainky : [coming in second] Meh, I never cared about winning in the first place.

@Darlainky: Manipulate the interview process by arriving with baked goods.

@Darlainky: My nephew said the cherries in my refrigerator had gone bad. They’re moonshine cherries, so yeah, they aren’t exactly choir boys.

@Darlainky: I buy seedless grapes because let’s leave the grape growing to the vineyards.

@Darlainky: *takes chip clip off Funyuns bag*
*bites into Funyun, discovers it's stale*
*throws chip clip across room*
"You had one job"!

@Darlainky: I don’t know who’s having a worse day, the bird that’s repeatedly flying into my dining room window or my dog.

@Darlainky: Why don’t Elvis impersonators call themselves the next best King?

@Darlainky: *watches nature documentary*

*moves my giraffe print pillows far away from my tiger print pillows*

@Darlainky: That awkward moment when you walk in on your sons having a yo momma insult contest.

@Darlainky: Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it.

*finds there's no coffee*

{Mood swing in 3...2...1...}