Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Darlainky's best tweets

@Darlainky : Me: Nothing is set in stone. Gargoyle: Wow I'm like right here.

@Darlainky: Kids today are so spoiled with their yummy gummy vitamins. It’s nothing like when I was a kid and we had to chew on orange-flavored chalk.

@Darlainky: Loan officer: What’s your social?

Me: Mostly Twitter, sometimes Facebook when I want to see what my friends and family are fighting about.

@Darlainky: My husband is a keeper.

No, that’s not the word.

Hoarder. He’s a hoarder.

@Darlainky: Kids today have no idea how good they have it. They've got fancy electronics, cartoons on tv every day, and even tooth colored fillings.

@Darlainky: My jeans aren’t too small, they’re my compression pants.

@Darlainky: Me: *sits still 90% of my day by choice* This is nice.

Also me: *stuck in traffic* You mean I just have to SIT here?!’

@Darlainky: Did you know that Icy Hot remains on your fingers 6 hours after application? Well I do, because I wear contacts.

@Darlainky: If I ever pass out, don’t come at me with smelling salts. A salted caramel cookie will do the trick.

@Darlainky: The newlywed couple laughed when I gave them blankets labeled “his” and “hers.” Obviously this is their first marriage.