Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Dawn_M_'s best tweets

@Dawn_M_ : You see some crazy stuff when you're out late at night smearing raccoon blood on your neighbours windows.

@Dawn_M_: Searching for your soulmate could take years. Making a slice of toast takes minutes.

@Dawn_M_: I bought and named a star after you.

If you look to the west on a clear night you will see Sociopath.

@Dawn_M_: [lying in bed after sex] my dad hit someone with his minivan in 1989.

@Dawn_M_: Not all dogs go to heaven because I just saw two dogs having sex and dogs can't get married. Hope you both enjoy hell.

@Dawn_M_: It's like the girl sitting in front of me on this bus doesn't want me to braid her hair.

@Dawn_M_: Age 10: I'm going to be a rockstar
Age 20: I might learn an instrument someday
Age 30: I hope a piano lands on me

@Dawn_M_: If you see a baby locked in a car break the window and put another baby in there, he's probably lonely.

@Dawn_M_: [drive thru] I just really need to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and you're the only one awake.

@Dawn_M_: How much longer must I pretend to understand the eclipse, this is exhausting.