Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Dawn_M_'s best tweets

@Dawn_M_ : If you see a baby locked in a car break the window and put another baby in there, he's probably lonely.

@Dawn_M_: [drive thru] I just really need to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and you're the only one awake.

@Dawn_M_: How much longer must I pretend to understand the eclipse, this is exhausting.

@Dawn_M_: What do you mean you don't know what Care Bear would win in a fist fight? Get off me, this sex is over.

@Dawn_M_: My neighbours dog has more friends than I do and he bites.

@Dawn_M_: [Speed Dating]

People act weird when I explain that I ate my twin in the womb, but when would have been the right time to do it?

@Dawn_M_: It's been four days since I started this rap battle. I'm tired and just want to see my family.

@Dawn_M_: Men and women can be 'just friends' if one of them is a ghost.

@Dawn_M_: My therapist doesn't believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.

@Dawn_M_: If I were a cashier I'd pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.