@Deirdreocx: [First date]
"So, do you have any pets?"
Yeah, I have a pet crow. He's white.
"You have an albino crow?"
He prefers the term cawcasian.
@Deirdreocx: If you're ovulating and have sex standing up...
Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend
@Deirdreocx: [Cops have a warrant for my arrest]
Cops: you're coming with us!
*Plays the Benny Hill theme on my phone & runs away*
Foot chase ensues.