Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DevilryFun's best tweets

@DevilryFun : I got a head start on decorating for Halloween by not dusting the last six months.

@DevilryFun: My swear jar is overflowing with IOUs that no bank will guarantee.

@DevilryFun: Our neighborhood watch is just dogs barking warnings every time they see a squirrel.

@DevilryFun: Drinking pineapple juice will improve your complexion and adding rum will improve others’ looks.

@DevilryFun: My doctor said to have a reasonable meal for dinner, so I talked some sense into my pizza.

@DevilryFun: Before marriage: fantasizes spending life together.

After marriage: fantasizes spending life insurance alone.

@DevilryFun: Looking back, my financial health took a turn for the worse right after I broke my piggy bank.

@DevilryFun: You don't need a therapist when you have a strong support group around your barstool.

@DevilryFun: I'm an introvert, but my middle finger is an extrovert.

@DevilryFun: I'm so tired, I'm thinking of visiting my grandma just so I can take a swig outta her oxygen tank.