Funny Tweeter

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Page of Dis0beyJay's best tweets

@Dis0beyJay : *First Date* Friend: Women like a little rebellion in a guy Me:Ok *Later* Her: So, tell me about your day? Me: I don't have to tell you shit

@Dis0beyJay: Say what you want about cargo pants but no woman has ever turned down a guy who can carry 7 puppies at once

@Dis0beyJay: [at wedding]
Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed?

* me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR

*pianist vomits*

@Dis0beyJay: [ First Date ]

Her: So you're a MMA fighter?

* flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom's *

Me: Yea, I'm still training

@Dis0beyJay: *Putting ikea furniture together*
Her: ummm, it's supposed to be a dresser
Me:* Standing next to a wooden T.Rex* I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, LINDA