Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Diversion50's best tweets

@Diversion50 : DAVID BOWIE: We can be heroes! ME: Great! DAVID BOWIE: Just for one day. ME: Oh. OK. *bins blueprint for Batcave*

@Diversion50: My worst case scenarios:

•A case falling on me.
•Being hit with a case.
•Being locked inside a case.
•Carrying a case for a long distance.

@Diversion50: POLICE OFFICER: Your name?

MAN: The Rock.

POLICE OFFICER: Your FULL name?

MAN: [quietly] Theodore Rockinghorse.

@Diversion50: "There's someone out there for everyone".

A really vague Receptionist.

@Diversion50: Who called it Star Trek III - The Search For Spock and not Finding Nemoy?

@Diversion50: I was on a search party in the forest last night.

Bit of a boring party.

We found a dead guy though.

@Diversion50: I like to imagine the person who originated Head & Shoulders shampoo had really, really hairy shoulders.

@Diversion50: It still really upsets me that my dog stopped talking to me around the same time I gave up taking hallucinogenic drugs.

@Diversion50: The letter n always has to be the centre of attention.

@Diversion50: Appendi
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