Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Donna_McCoy's best tweets

@Donna_McCoy : Once again the nurse sighs and writes "patient refused to step on scale" into my medical chart.

@Donna_McCoy: Label: Non-habit forming

Me: Challenge accepted

@Donna_McCoy: Everyone wants a wild, obsessive love until it parks on their lawn and sets up a tent next to the shrubbery.

@Donna_McCoy: I'll dance with everyone watching.

I don't like an audience, but I want someone around to call an ambulance when I fall.

@Donna_McCoy: I can easily make lemonade, but I have no idea what to do when life gives me a fitted sheet.

@Donna_McCoy: If your family goes to church on Christmas morning, be grateful. This may be your only chance to lock them out of the house.

@Donna_McCoy: Go ahead and share your political views at this office party. We're all friends here.

- alcohol

@Donna_McCoy: I reward people who go looking for dust in my house with the satisfaction of finding some.

@Donna_McCoy: I still remember the childhood pain of having to wear a sweater over my Halloween costume, so don't say I don't know tragedy.

@Donna_McCoy: I talk a lot of shit for someone who has to let out a Karate yell in order to stand up from tying their shoes.