Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of Donna_McCoy's best tweets

@Donna_McCoy : Why have an affair when you can so easily ruin your marriage by remodeling the kitchen?

@Donna_McCoy: The nice bed in my guest room says "Get comfortable." But the shower stall with no tub in the bath say "Not too comfortable."

@Donna_McCoy: I am far too familiar with the bathroom floor to ever be judgemental of anyone else's life decisions.

@Donna_McCoy: "I hate seeing you like this," she thought every time she encountered anyone over the course of the day.

@Donna_McCoy: My husband keeps watching a tv show while complaining about how boring it is, & now I understand how he's stayed married to me for so long.

@Donna_McCoy: Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?

Me: *checks Fitbit*

@Donna_McCoy: My coworkers have such cute nicknames for me, like "The one who eats all the donuts" and "Don't tell her there's pizza in the kitchen".

@Donna_McCoy: I'm not leaving a will. My final act will be giving my family one more thing to fight about.

@Donna_McCoy: That's not a halo. It's the light at the end of the tunnel glowing behind me as I walk in the wrong direction.

@Donna_McCoy: The dietitian told me peanut butter is healthy if I eat it with something low-calorie, so I chose a spoon.