Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Donna_McCoy's best tweets

@Donna_McCoy : Some woman in this swimsuit department just said, "summer bodies are made in the winter" so I strangled her with my new beach wrap.

@Donna_McCoy: It's my patriotic duty to eat bbq and wave sparklers this weekend. Don't wreck it with words like "calorie count" and "hair on fire".

@Donna_McCoy: *makes shocking deathbed confession to friends and family

*doesn't die

@Donna_McCoy: Fitbit: Time for a walk

Me: *walks to snack machine

@Donna_McCoy: I'm always about 500 calories over the legal limit.

@Donna_McCoy: I make sure my husband thinks about me during the workday by packing him a sandwich that also falls apart for no reason.

@Donna_McCoy: Forgot to take off my makeup and woke up looking like Cyndi Lauper from 1983.

@Donna_McCoy: Cosmetic surgery is a great way to spend your life savings and end up looking like a surprised owl.

@Donna_McCoy: It's okay, baby. I cry when people try to change me too.

@Donna_McCoy: "Just gonna take a little off the top" I whisper, scooping all the icing from your cake with my fork.