Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Donna_McCoy's best tweets

@Donna_McCoy : Got a booty text from my ex-husband so I did the logical thing and forwarded it to his new girlfriend.

@Donna_McCoy: Trainer: Diet to hit your goal weight.

Me: Then what?

Trainer: Diet forever to maintain it.

Me: *heading to Pizza Hut* Nvm.

@Donna_McCoy: I keep trying to lose this last 180 pounds but he refuses to leave.

@Donna_McCoy: You don't hear much about Snow White's eighth dwarf, but they should never have trusted Clumsy with an axe.

@Donna_McCoy: I would rather that you'd just paid some of my bills, but thanks for this combination rubik's cube/pepper grinder.

@Donna_McCoy: Shout out to whoever scheduled Valentine's candy to show up just as we're all giving up on New Year resolutions.

@Donna_McCoy: I update my Facebook picture to a jail mugshot over the holidays so my family will go visit someone else.

@Donna_McCoy: I'm looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing.

@Donna_McCoy: *gains winter weight for "insulation"

*is now fat and cold

@Donna_McCoy: Baby showers are fun until someone has too much champagne and starts a plastic knife fight over a corner piece of cake.

I need a ride home.