Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DothTheDoth's best tweets

@DothTheDoth : In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant & filled with darkness.

@DothTheDoth: Remember, you can disappear into the woods whenever you want. You're an adult.

@DothTheDoth: Be the reason why the lights flicker when you enter a room.

@DothTheDoth: How many dates should you wait before you tell a girl that you're just a barn owl

@DothTheDoth: As your personal mortician, instead of making you look beautiful I will make people fear you.

@DothTheDoth: The best books are the ones that no matter how many times you burn them or bury them in the woods, they always wind up next to your bed.

@DothTheDoth: Find you a freak in the sheets & a librarian in the library.

@DothTheDoth: Practice self-care like a star, be lonely and distant & allow nothing to survive on your surface.

@DothTheDoth: Practice self-care like werewolves: carry deeply emotional secrets everywhere you go & once a month eat the hearts of all who have wronged you.

@DothTheDoth: I like my women like I like my woods: haunted & can kill me at any moment.