Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DothTheDoth's best tweets

@DothTheDoth : Dream home requirements: 1.) a secret passage behind a bookcase 2.) the thing that will kill me lives just beyond the tree line.

@DothTheDoth: Mulder: it's some sort of over-fed grim reaper judgment figure.
Scully: we're at the mall, Mulder. That's just Santa.

@DothTheDoth: I love how insurance companies offer "accident forgiveness" like they're some sort of ancient deity pardoning your existence.

@DothTheDoth: Ichabod Crane in the streets the headless horseman in the sheets

@DothTheDoth: My arc would have been filled with wolves. I would have made a terrible Noah.

@DothTheDoth: No one wants to talk about Dracula's defining quality, turning into thousands of bats to avoid human contact.

@DothTheDoth: Mulder: we're trapped with ghosts in the stomach of a metal worm.
Scully: those are just people, Mulder. We're on a train.

@DothTheDoth: Two squirrels in the backyard. But they are not playing together. Wonder if there's history.

@DothTheDoth: I can't wait for the stage of capitalism where we have to watch a 15 second advertisement before we remember a memory.