Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DothTheDoth's best tweets

@DothTheDoth : As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.

@DothTheDoth: If you're in an old house & the basement door opens for no reason, go into that basement.

@DothTheDoth: Horror movies have given me an unrealistic expectation about finding an armoire with a false back where a ghost lives.

@DothTheDoth: Be the reason why a nun does the sign of the cross when she looks at you.

@DothTheDoth: Don't invite me over unless you are trying to secretly transfer a possessed artifact to me.

@DothTheDoth: If a demon ever tried to possess me my first thought would be: enjoy that debilitating anxiety my dude.

@DothTheDoth: Dream home requirements: 1.) a secret passage behind a bookcase 2.) the thing that will kill me lives just beyond the tree line.

@DothTheDoth: Mulder: it's some sort of over-fed grim reaper judgment figure.
Scully: we're at the mall, Mulder. That's just Santa.

@DothTheDoth: I love how insurance companies offer "accident forgiveness" like they're some sort of ancient deity pardoning your existence.

@DothTheDoth: Ichabod Crane in the streets the headless horseman in the sheets